I feel the same way, and am also on day 5. Illinois has insane DUI laws, and i may never be able to drive again. I live in the country, and literally cannot leave to even provide sustenance for myself without finding a ride to town 7 miles away. I always get 5-30 days in, then say “fuck it!” My brain says being drunk, alone, and miserable is better than just being alone and miserable. I hate every facet of my life and myself for going on about 7 years now. I’m pretty sure i won’t recover mentally from all this. Very sure actually. Trying to get up the courage to pour my fifth off whiskey out after another 4 day detox I’m probably not even out of the woods yet on.