Is it strictly because you’re tripping, or is it the regular light day-to-day drug use?
Bear with me here, this preface leads to a point:
I grew up with an older brother who partied at our house when our parents were away, and the way he acted and tended to break and decide he wanted to kill me kinda created an underlying discomfort with drugs. He had major emotional issues, was depressed and would trip or get high to escape, instead of counseling. He apparently was also addicted to meth for a while. He’s sober now (had three kids), and still struggles with depression, balancing his emotions and never sought counseling. He uses pot to keep depression at bay.
I grew up living in an abusive family situation, and despite that, with a lot of coping through letting go of it all through losing myself to music, drawing, writing and meditation, I came out of it choosing to love life and trust people and saw good in everything. It felt like I’d reached a regular high-on-life state, and I started to think maybe this was similar to the open-minded understanding people talk about when they trip or have an ego death (of course it was youthful speculation).
Since then, as an adult, I’ve loved reading about and hearing about others’ trips. So, I didn’t become anti-drug, but just cautious having seen my brother’s self-destruction from his depression and seeking aid through drugs instead of counseling, and not actually healing.
I’ve tried molly three times, edibles, and am interested in trying mushrooms. I’m also going to my first festival this year - so, again, I’m not anti-drugs...
My new partner has used Adderall to help him with his creativity and motivation to get through long days of stressful errands once in a while. He also smokes pot on occasion, and sometimes parties with his friends when they create together, but overall he’s generally sober.
Here’s my point, after all this prefacing:
I love my partner infinitely, and enjoy hearing about his trips and how they changed his perspectives, and I look forward to tripping with him some day... but, while he doesn’t struggle with depression, I know people don’t have to rely on drugs to feel full of life and experience euphoria - when I took molly, it was strong enough to cross my eye, but I felt about life how I usually do, just a bit more.
Because of my personal experience having addicts in my life, I expressed support of exploration, but concern about usage becoming necessary to enjoy life. His response was interesting, and I can respect it. He says that he only uses it as a tool, and not a reliance. He knows he can achieve anything without drugs, and most days he does, but once in a while it’s nice to have the aid of a tool to enhance the experience.
To the final point:
With your partner’s personal experience with coke, how it negatively effected his life, and the struggle with overcoming addiction, it totally makes sense he might have subconscious concerns with regular drug use (even gentle stuff), and might see tripping as an escape from depression instead of a mind-opening experience?
I’m not saying this is why you trip - but it wouldn’t be a wild assumption for him to make if he cares about you, and his personal relationship with drugs is negative and different from yours.
Is there any way you can show him that you only use it as an occasional tool to gain different perspectives of certain things in your life?
Do you guys comfortably talk about life and wax philosophy together?