How do you deal with your sadness ?

Until recently I been able to have complete control of my sadness. I twisted my mind to the point that i didnt let things get to me. I got to a point in my life where I had become so broken and in so much pain all the time from my sadness that I seemingly nixed it from my life. I consciously decided to make light of my darkness because it was ridiculous of me to feel all of that all the time. Instead I would laugh at it. My sadness became comedy. It didnt matter if anyone disagreed with me. To this day I dont try to make light of dark situations even when most people are expressing sympathy. I'm liked by a good 50/50 ratio of the people I meet. Some people understand how I am and I can actually cheer up with my humor while the other side is offended and tho them I say screw off. I been this way for years, I think most things are ridiculous and a complete joke. I dont relate well with emotional people because I dont understand them. I had my life together and I was perceived to be extremely happy if not at times slightly off my rocker. I believed it too. This was until Nov 2018 where I began struggling severely. I couldn't stay awake. No matter what I did or how long I've slept already. It became a struggle for me to get to work every day on time and stay there. Things went down hill fast. By Nov 2019 I had used all my available time possible and I am still struggling with this issue. No way to joke out of this. I was brought into a meeting with HR where I was nearly fired after having been one of the top 5 people in my department at my center, seen by almost everyone as their main go to guy for knowledge and assistance. Following that meeting I decided to take a leave for short term disability to get the help I clearly needed. I am still out on leave for this issue, which I see now is clearly depression, and each day I die more inside, knowing that I am likely now just another nobody at a place I used to feel like a king.

I know this isnt exactly answering how to deal with sadness however I figured I'd share an example of how not to deal with saddness. I know it's kinda vague and I could go more in depth on exactly what I became and how I became that person and I am more than willing answer any questions anyone might have. I just want to end here by saying just because sadness isnt screaming into your ear, and you feel as though things are perfect in your life, it doesnt mean you've conquered your mind. You cant simply destroy all trauma without actually addressing it because it will win eventually. Even subconsciously if it has to like in my case.

/r/AskReddit Thread