Feeling and thinking but no free will?

Random particle activity but atoms, elements, molecules, muscles and people?

I explored reality from a perspective of determinism for a long time - in fact I'm wearing an old t-shirt, right now, that says "Determinism: Not for sissies." - but then there's people. Thinking, deciding, crying, wandering, lying, fighting, laughing, experiencing, magnificent people. Each alone in their thoughts - at all times. Unique, individual minds that are completely separate from and off limits to one another.

Determinism is every bit as anti-nihilistic and subjectively and circuitously self-promoting as anti-natalism. It's so outrageous that even those who claim it can't sit alone in a room with it, for even 5 minutes, without freely, blatantly - and repeatedly - disregarding it.

After a long damn time assuming and disregarding determinism at the same time, I experienced a falsification that left me pretty sure that determinism and life cannot coexist. So much so that the duality of canceled it out. And according to the Free Will Theorem, everything has to either be life or not. No halvesies. No "free will here, but not there". If it's anywhere, it's everywhere. If it's absent anywhere, then it's absent everywhere. Granted, it's a mathematical proposition but no determinism fan has, thus far, been able to dispute it.

Is free will real? I don't know but exploration from it, as a perspective, is...well...let's just say that I'll never go back. I shall use my free will to never return to a conclusion of "determinism" because letting it go opened a whole new door, beyond which was a whole other infinite pile of paths to choose from! Two infinities! ROFL! I'm sorry but that's just too good to pass up!! Determinism - pfft! I thought I had some inkling about infinity but now I know I haven't a clue. It redefined "infinite", for me.

Turns out, determinism is for sissies - "sissies" being those who fear the unknown - because without it, "the unknown" (cue the deep base reverb) extends so far beyond the imagination of an explorer that the urge to run out the door of what has suddenly become a teeny, tiny infinite unknown and straight into it is irresistible.

My God I love reality!! It never ceases to amaze me!