I see my own emotional sloppiness.

You think your problem it is JUST/ONLY "emotional" sloppiness???

But give me some credit.

Why? Seriously WHY do you feel you deserve "some credit"???

¹⁵ The woman saith to him: Sir, give me this water, that I may not thirst, nor come hither to draw. ¹⁶ Jesus saith to her: Go, call thy husband, and come hither. ¹⁷ The woman answered, and said: I have no husband. Jesus said to her: Thou hast said well, I have no husband: ¹⁸ For thou hast had five husbands: and he whom thou now hast, is not thy husband. This thou hast said truly.

or again

¹ Keep thy foot, when thou goest into the house of God, and draw nigh to hear. For much better is obedience, than the victims of fools, who know not what evil they do. ² Speak not any thing rashly, and let not thy heart be hasty to utter a word before God. For God is in heaven, and thou upon earth: therefore let thy words be few. ³ Dreams follow many cares: and in many words shall be found folly.

⁴ If thou hast vowed any thing to God, defer not to pay it: for an unfaithful and foolish promise displeaseth him: but whatsoever thou hast vowed, pay it. ⁵ And it is much better not to vow, than after a vow not to perform the things promised. ⁶ Give not thy mouth to cause thy flesh to sin: and say not before the angel: There is no providence: lest God be angry at thy words, and destroy all the works of thy hands. ⁷ Where there are many dreams, there are many vanities, and words without number: but do thou fear God.

I left her for real and I'm not going back

You should never have been "with her" in the first place.

This you KNOW, and yet you try to equivocate.

Did you never learn the REAL lesson of the two anointed Kings: the MAJOR difference between Saul and David? Did you never comprehend why the adulterer (and worse murderer) was nevertheless STILL called "a man after God's own heart" whereas the "equivocator" was rejected (and driven to madness) even though his initial, CORE sins were seemingly, comparatively, "trivial" (a mere matter of "impatience" and then "mercy" or mundane "greed" {if even that, simply not "wasting" resources}).

⁷ And Nathan said to David: Thou art the man. [...] ¹³ And David said to Nathan: [________________]

Versus

⁸ And he waited seven days according to the appointment of Samuel, and Samuel came not to Galgal, and the people slipt away from him. ⁹ Then Saul said: Bring me the holocaust, and the peace offerings. And he offered the holocaust. ¹⁰ And when he had made an end of offering the holocaust, behold Samuel came: and Saul went forth to meet him and salute him. ¹¹ And Samuel said to him: What hast thou done? Saul answered: [________________]

Or again...

¹³ And when Samuel was come to Saul, Saul said to him: Blessed be thou of the Lord, I have fulfilled the word of the Lord. ¹⁴ And Samuel said: What meaneth then this bleating of the flocks, which soundeth in my ears, and the lowing of the herds, which I hear? ¹⁵ And Saul said: [________________]

I will leave the filling in of those BLANKS (and indeed the finding of the passages) to you... you know how to find them and fill them in, yes?

(I mean I presume your grandmother does NOT need instructions on how to suck eggs.)