How did you become an antinatalist?

I hate my life and I stumbled upon this sub and had a big realization: My parents are to blame for my misery and suffering. I really wish I weren't born at all so I wouldn't have to deal with all this shit. Even the "normal" problems of getting a job etc. are just the result of my parents having me. In my childhood I was emotionally and sometimes physically abused and looking back now almost makes me hate my parents. When we as kids (my siblings and I) messed something up or broke something (even when it was unintentionally), they always said something like "someone who has kids doesn't need enemies" and it makes me so angry. Back then I didn't realize or understand, that it was their choice to have children and they took it into account, that the children may not be how they wished them to be by fucking without protection. I'm full of anger everyday and I thinknof suicide a lot. I don't care that they would be sad, they brought me into this fucked world and indirectly forced me to experience their death so I don't feel sorry. As a coping mechanism I ate a lot of food. Now I'm overweight, don't get a girlfriend and so depressed I simply don't have the strenght to change something. I started smoking with 15 as I was trying to somehow fill that gap but it obviously doesn't really work. Now my only little joy comes from buying tasty food and snacks and sitting in front of my computer the whole day. I hate it here

/r/antinatalism Thread