I gave no thought to basic opsec because it was a long-time emotional affair that one day turned physical. SO looked through my phone while I was in the shower and saw the thousands of texts between my then AP and I. Nothing super incriminating, but the affectionate nature of our relationship came through loud and clear. She didn't confront me, but kept my phone screen on one of these older lovey-dovey text messages to make it clear she knew what was up. I locked my phone in response. After that, three weeks of completely wild hysterical bonding to break a decades long streak of absolutely zero action in the bedroom.

She's a marriage counselor so she knows both men and women cheat because of a dead bedroom. She's even alluded to other couples she knows in an open relationship; I haven't figured out yet if this is an opening to a discussion about us, or if it's a trap.