I've actually started to feel overwhelmed by things. I've never felt overwhelmed before.
Like, last night, I had to babysit my niece. My brother and his wife work odd shifts and every now and then, I have to go over and babysit from 10pm til 12:30am. Usually I go over, put on the TV, and fall asleep. my niece has always been asleep.
But lately, thanks to the odd shifts her parents work, she's been up, but stays in her room. Both my brother and his wife know I have work early, and that these nights of babysitting are tough for me, but I do them because family.
Well, she was awake, and she was calling me. I go to make sure every things okay, and it was, but she wanted to talk about play rooms, for some reason. At the same time, their Dog, who's a puppy in a snapping phase, is trying to gnaw on my arm, and my niece keeps getting too close.
So right now, I'm trying to convince my niece to go to sleep, I have a dog snappying at my arm, and she's getting too close to him, AND THEN MY BROTHER CALLS.
So now I'm on the phone, keeping a 4 year old away from a 1 year old dog, while my brother's telling me how to get Katie to bed. I get him on speaker, so he can talk to her, but it's not working. He's frustrated because his coworker called off, so he has to stay later, meaning I was stuck here til later.
Finally, I pick up my niece, tuck her in, kiss her goodnight, get downstairs, block the dog in the kitchen (there are baby gates for this) and all I hear is my niece screaming bloody murder, and a lot of crashing and banging as she throws a tantrum. my bro told me to ignore it.
And after he got off the phone, I just curled up and wanted to cry or flee, or run away.
This is the first time I've ever felt overwhelmed. But I took a few breathes, calmed my nerves by just clearing my head, reminding myself that the hormones are messing with my perception (I've done Mushrooms and have had a freakout on that, so dealing with my mind when it's panic is fairly easy anymore).
And then I thanked some Goddess that I will never be able to have kids. Because I honestly do not want them now.