Then, I tripped again... and didn't stop for a couple days. Not because I was taking more and more, but because I went into a psychosis. It's a bit of a long story, that would literally require a full length book to write out and explain, but I basically realized my Buddha nature, and that I could give that nature to others if I shared with them my psychedelic experience, and gave them the key to unlock the ability to and experience anything, yada yada yada. I wanted to see a world where everyone did psychedelic drugs and got to be happy like me.

That's when I told my family what I had been up to, in an attempt to get them to take drugs with me (hah). That didn't happen, I spent some time on a psych ward, things were really rough with my family for a long time, and I still don't think my parents trust me 100%.

But I'm still happy. I've realized how much our experience depends on our perceptions, and how much our perceptions depend on what we choose to perceive. Depression and anxiety are demons that hold on so tight, because they change your perception and your perception defines damn near everything about your life and how you interact with it. They strip that choice to perceive the good side of things away from you.

I got my powers of perception back, in that I could choose to focus on the good instead of the bad around me. I could look at this really difficult project I have to do and be miserable that hours and hours of my time are going to be spent struggling to do it, or I can think about how good it will feel to finish the project with a great grade and how awesome it is going to be to graduate and have a great job and all the opportunity in the world, so long as I keep on trying and doing my best.

Life has been really good since, overall. My family still doesn't really understand that, and my bullheadedness has caused issues, as I'm unable to admit that my psychedelic binge was a mistake. They only saw the end, the hardship, the psychosis, and the psych ward. I lived two of the best months of my life, and they very likely saved me from suicide. I'm able to work 90 hour weeks with a smile on my face, and happily live humbly on a heavily reduced salary while my startup gets off the ground. I've been through the full spectrum of emotions, and am able to relate to others, in ways that allow me to help my loved ones, and shrug off when someone does something to offend me, because I know they're just on an emotional roller coaster of their own.

And, my favorite part, for any of you who have had psychedelic experiences of your own... you know how it just seems so magical to sit and watch the trees and grass blow in the wind, or watch water move? I've held on to that. Sitting on my front porch is one of my absolute favorite things to do <3.

The wind blows, the birds chirps, the world spins, and I am happy.