how does it feel to be the runner?

Well, it’s often said that the chaser will eventually run, too, when they reach their breaking point. Since “surrender” has been rather difficult to stick, and I’m pretty exhausted by all the back and forth, I think I’d really like to run, myself.

My only option, to start, seems to be denial. I know we’re connected but I’m sick of the energy with no resolution in sight. Correspondence is growing more and more distant - and I see that he’s doing better in his life now. I don’t see any real reason for him to want to come back to me. Best case scenario, I was a catalyst. Even that seems like an arrogant sort of statement. He’s better off without me, and maybe I’ll be better off without him if I could just break away. Denial is the only thing I have that seems sharp enough - it was all a dream, I never met him, I only knew him through words, I imagined everything... He never said what he said, or he only said it out of pity or to placate me. He’s too nice to just ghost me or block me, so he responds at the bare minimum probably hoping I’ll just give up one day... It was unrequited love and I’ve been delusional! All of the negative things I was afraid to embrace, instead clinging to every crumb of validation, I’m now going to roll around with and shut everything else out. I mean, how lame is it that I’ve been hanging onto this guy for over a year and a half? For all I know, he’s got a girlfriend or at least has slept with an unknown number of women in the meantime (we met through an app looking for FwB, as it is). He’s in his prime and I’m wasting the last of my “best” years pining away. Why would he want someone several years older when he could be with someone half my age? I’m a fool. I need to delete or burn everything related to him, block his number, finally, and leave these TF forums. No more tarot readings, intensive therapy to counteract what is clearly an obsession, drop-kick every thought of him out of my mind, dive into as many different projects and new social situations as I can cram into my days, “glow up” with a fitness bootcamp and makeover, meet as many new guys as it takes for this other person to float away like water under the bridge... He was just another guy who happened to catch me at a vulnerable time. He should have just ghosted me entirely when he ran and put me out of my misery, rather than trickling along with whatever this is...... :(

LOL. Anyway, these and more are the thoughts I have when I want to push away. Runners seem to be able to do it with utmost diligence. Not sure how long I can make it. But I do need a change ASAP. I’m so tired.

/r/twinflames Thread