my dad smoked weed since he was 16 and had me at 35, then divorced from my mum at 42 (because of weed) he eventually had 2 episodes of drug induced psychosis and leading up to, during and after and everything in-between he basically hated me because i reminded him of my mum. he would criticise me constantly and put me down, basically complete invalidation of my existence. i was always a very sensitive child and still am as an adult, it's effected me in how i process emotions, seek validation in romantic relationships fastforward to me at 26, several toxic abusive ex partners, therapy lined up i understand fully that he had a massive role to play for me in the present, and the worst part is he doesn't "remember" during his psychotic episodes and i don't have any contact with him now, we wouldn't be able to address the issues and i need to figure it out for myself. my mum has been my ROCK she's fiercely independent but i guess ive made bad decisions because of my dad being a lack of dad. its a process forgiving him and forgiving myself and learning that i do deserve love and acceptance of myself in order to receive it from someone else.