I would suggest therapy for what sounds akin to PTSD. It seems like you’ve kept yourself busy with your kids and work life and perhaps haven’t had a chance to let yourself grieve and move on emotionally. This experience probably took a toll on your self esteem as well and you need to be able to feel good about yourself again before you can allow yourself to want to be intimate. Even the experience of physically going to therapy is uplifting in its own way because you are doing something positive for yourself and it in turn will make you feel better about yourself. It might sound silly but I always treated myself after weekly sessions with a sandwich from a deli I like. It just made it feel like an all around positive experience for me.