I couldn't either. I still can't. I'm going to a meeting tonight and they're gonna ask, "How'd you do it?" I always feel really stupid during those moments, because I don't know, I've just done it. 9 months in juvi, 2 rehabs, 2 OWIs and corresponding jail sentences, 4 hospitalizations, then one day I just stop. I think that if I were to trace it to any sudden realization, it would have happened while I was talking to a friend who came home on leave. I love him very, very much, and respect him very, very much, though we've probably only seen each other twice a year (if that) for the past 6 years. He mentioned that he's only gotten drunk about 4 times in his life. And I stopped and thought...what the fuck? How is that possible? He was raised in circumstances even worse than mine. How is his brain wired? Is he telling me that he experiences emotions organically? And then I wondered who I'd be if I hadn't drank as often as possible between the ages of 15 and three months ago. Would I experience my emotions as something other than shameful, induced indulgences? (Emotions are kind of my bane, see.) And I realized that I might be asking that question 10 years from now about a much larger chunk of time, at which point he and I would be so split in our development that we probably wouldn't be able to comprehend each other. Anyway, sobriety because I want to stay sane enough to be able to learn to empathize with the everyday perceptions of those who don't drink, and so that one day my long-distance friend doesn't come home to find me a twisted monster who lives on the fringes of reality. So, not for anyone, but maybe because of everyone. I doubt that is helpful at all. I apologize.