I;m really sorry you've both had to deal with this ugliness. If it helps, it's done to anyone who isn't in the Muslim 'elite'...people with tatoos, a history, trauma, or anyone who rocks the boat. \
There's a hadith called the Hadith of the Sinking Ship that gave me a lot of solace.
The basic gist is practising/not-so-pactising Muslims being a parable of people boarding a ship: through selection they have no control over, one group ends up on the upper deck, the rest in the hull. The privileged people up top make the poor people on the bottom deck feel unwelcome (like you and u/crazy4cats31) every time they come up to get water, their right (like your right to be welcomed and not judged). Noone likes to be made to feel unwelcome, so eventually the people on the bottom drill a hole in the hull to get water, knowing full well they can't drink salt water and the ship will sink. And if the privileged people don't stop this, everyone drowns.
The responsibility for people lashing out and even engaging in self-harming behaviours because they have been made to feel unwelcome is placed on the people up top - ie. the 'practising' Muslims, not those they alienate because they see them as lesser Muslims.
Sh. Omar Suleiman has a really good talk on this: