i don’t respond well when he seems irritated. he’ll be in a bad mood or just simply bothered by something i’m doing but in my head it feels like he is angry with me and that i’ve made some kind of irreversible mistake. i have a hard time believing that he still feels all of that love and warmth toward me even if he’s annoyed by me in the moment. in my parents relationships, they either hated or adored each other and it was only that, black and white.

i ask him permission to do anything, even though he’s never expected me to. my mom wasn’t allowed to do things when i was growing up, period. i have freedom in my relationship but i always feel the need to ask him anyways. if i can go out with friends, if i can make certain food in the kitchen, if i can leave, if he thinks x or y is a good idea. things like that.

i’m also pretty bad at saying no. my parents beat it into each other and into me that bad things happen when you say no. i rarely say no to my boyfriend, but luckily i almost never feel the need to say no to him anyways.