The way I've recast victimhood in my head is to not deny that damage is being done, but to focus on the problem and its solutions rather than the extended story I'd like to tell about it.

If my car catches on fire, there is a certain set of steps I need to take to address the problem. Stop everything, pull over, exit, etc. At no point is it necessary to view this as personal, but it has to stop. At no point do I need to think of myself as a victim, but the fire will be put out or I'll lose even more than I've already lost.

The fire doesn't have to be evil. The fire doesn't ever have to agree with me. I don't need to blame the fire - it is destructive and is doing what fire does, but that's as far as I need to think. Thinking of myself as the victim of a fire adds nothing to my responses - I will do what needs doing in either case, if my goal is to fix the problem.

If my goal is to have emotional justifications for doing it, then that's another thing entirely, but I can say "my car is on fire" or "this specific aspect of being male is shitty" without saying "I'm a victim." I absolutely understand that being a victim puts you on a moral high ground and makes your way easier, since you now have shame, etc. in your arsenal, but it's not the way to live a life. The power it grants isn't worth it. Even if you are actually a victim, it's not worth wielding that particular weapon.