Christ. I wish it were as simple as medication for me. I've been depressed and anxious for at least 20 years. It's exhausting. I've been medicated for 10 years, on different meds. Committed at one point after a suicide attempt. I can't tolerate outside stimulants - noise, lights, any interactions with humans. My face breaks out in a sweat at any work meeting. I don't know how I'm employed. I'm fucking broken. I don't know what happiness feels like. My sleep is the happiest I ever feel even though it's haunted by nightmares and night sweats. At least it's not real.

I see a psychiatrist every other week and I feel like I'm just getting better at accepting my conditions. Just like I have with my medical conditions. I don't see regular doctors anymore. I imagine in a few years I won't see a psychiatrist anymore. I'm a shell of a person holding on until my parents pass away.