How do you guys feel about the fact that women are likely to be attracted to you because of what you have and what you do, rather than who you are?

Thankfully because I have an atypical career it’s very easy to exclude people from my life who don’t find me interesting. I just talk about what I do.

I remember back in art school the Bodies exhibit had come to town and I went and did drawings there on my weekend. I mentioned it on a date and my date responded, “I don’t understand why someone would do that.”

I was trying to describe something interesting and unique that I’d done for fun and and she literally couldn’t comprehend how someone could even think that was fun or a good use of time. You can guess why we did not continue to date.

By comparison I recalled the same experience to another girl and she was instantly interested. She had questions, wanted to see the drawings, know about the exhibit, etc and we talked about it for quite a while. Same event, two very different reactions.

That contrast stuck with me for years. So I’m honest and up front about the things that “make me interesting”, in particular the things that make me unique, and people can take or leave it. And that’s their right, assuming they’re respectful about it (finding someone boring is no excuse to be shitty to them).

You could play the averages and describe yourself in the ways that are most broadly appealing. You might get more dates that way. But you’ll also go on a lot more dates where the person sitting across from you thinks you’re incredibly dull.

If someone only wants money or for me to have a fancy career then they aren’t for me. I do have money and a good career, but those are far from my best features.

I’m married now so my advice to anyone dating is just to lead with the more esoteric things about yourself. Play to the averages as needed to get matches but figure out what’s interesting about you and be open about it.

/r/AskMen Thread