How to help my primary find his secondary?

What you say about a monogamous woman considering a poly guy is exactly what my three poly friends described, and all three admitted they never would've even gone for that first date if they knew the guy was married. But they all went, and they all liked what they saw enough to go on a second date knowing the guy was married. (and two of them are now poly, so yay!)

This is it right here.

People typically don't know what they want, despite the comments by /u/chelsey-dagger about fundamental incompatibility. Many poly women get dates with mono guys that simply don't care about a husband/polyamory because they are only looking for fun/sex. So many of these casual dates/ONS/FWB turn into real relationships, a search of this subreddit could turn countless examples.

But uh oh! That's not a possibility for straight poly men because when they disclose being poly (much less being married) on their profile, women run for the hills. No chance for that instant chemistry, no chance for the woman to reconsider what she thinks she wants! No chance for any sort of relationship, a date, or even a conversation. Too bad. But woman have it bad too, all those annoying messages and dick pics. It's hard to filter out the assholes and find one the hundreds of guys who proactively expressed interest that meet their standards! And I mean, cmon, just because the full disclosure rule doesn't actually affect women's chances of finding a date AT ALL doesn't mean they can't objectively consider the ethics of the situation when demanding the rule for their partners. You would state that you were an ex-con on your profile, right? You would state that you were HSV+ on your profile, right? You would state your Stance on abortion on your profile, right? So you should definitely say that you are already in a relationship on your profile. Anything that could possibly be a complication for the person your dating should be disclosed before even sending them a message. If someone hits on me in a bar, you know I'm going to be telling them I have a girlfriend before taking them back to mine (I mean, clearly they only want to hookup with husband material, duh).

/r/polyamory Thread Parent