How do I know if I need to go to treatment

"bad enough" is subjective. I think it is challenging for anyone who is struggling to admit that they think they are 'bad enough'. For me, 'bad enough' is terrible self image, giving into ED urges, and having it affect my everyday life. Everyone's ED is different, so it's hard to pinpoint 'bad enough'. If you feel out of control I would recommend seeing a therapist to figure out what path may be best. The first and second times I was inpatient was involuntarily so I did not care to get better. However, when I started intensive outpatient my thought process slowly started changing. I saw girls around me happier than when I first met them, and I saw them actually recovering. I was lying and saying that I was doing great when in reality I was struggling more than ever. After hearing about their recovery and how free the felt, something inside me broke. I went to my therapist and couldn't stop crying and said I needed to be in residential and that I would try this time. I came clean about all the lies, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself. When I went in with the mindset that I wanted to recovery, the process worked. You just have to be willing to push through the challenges that come with recovery. It takes a lot of strength, but if you put your mind to it, then it's possible. With this being said, I have still relapsed and think I'm still recovering. When times get tough, the ED voice gets stronger, and if I don't try to reach out for support then I end up relapsing. But I always get back on my feet. Recovery isn't perfect. When things start going south, speak up about it. For me, my therapist has been a great help and one of the most important parts to my recovery is letting friends and family know so that I can be held accountable. But, you have to be invested in recovery for treatment programs to work. You also have to know that slip ups do not kill the progress you've made. After each slip up/relapse you have to pull yourself back up, reach out for support, and do your best to stay on the road to recovery. But with time, each slip up/relapse happens less often, and eventually - you're free. However the thing that convinced me to recover the most was just remembering the hell I put my parents through. I was a minor during all of this, and looking back on it, I let my ED turn me into a complete douche. I absolutely hated myself and I had a handful of suicide attempts before I decided to recover. The ED thoughts got so bad that I tried to kill myself, and luckily after 3 days in the ICU, I woke up. I remember my parents and siblings crying over me. I remembered hearing my sister's screams when she found me almost unconscious. I remembered my friends telling me how when they found out I was in the ICU that they felt numb and couldn't stop crying throughout that time because they weren't certain I was going to survive. Their pain was my motivation because I didn't want to keep hurting the ones I loved, and I know when I'm stuck in the ED mindset I will inevitably hurt them (even if it's not intentional). Remembering all of this pain is what pushed me to recovery. After a little while, I realized I can't just recover to prevent hurting them. I knew I had to recover to stop hurting myself. It takes a while to find the motivation to go, and it may take even longer to want to recover for yourself. But what's most important is finding something that you want to recover for. And honestly, recovery can suck - it's hard, it's scary...but it's liberating. That liberation and freedom is the best thing you will ever feel. I can promise you that the hard work in treatment (either 1-1 therapy, IOP, residential, etc) is always worth it. Keep on fighting and I hope only the best for you.

/r/fuckeatingdisorders Thread