Overall, I don't really care about it but then there are some things where I feel...not "manly". Biggest thing being weak, physically. The amount of shame I feel for being skinny-fat and can't life things 16 year olds can makes me incredibly self-conscious. I know it shouldn't, but when I still went to the gym, I always felt out of place. There were all the buff guys who lifted these heavy weights while I went there, not being able to lift shit. I felt uncomfortable for the entirety of the 5 months I went there and summertime is a 50/50 of "Great, it's finally warm, yay" and "Fuck, I have to wear t-shirts so everybody will see my skinny arms and judge me."

That's the part of "masculinity" I don't feel I have. Being physically strong. It's something that is expected of men and I don't have it, so I immediately feel men judging me for being a weak-ass and women not batting an eye because I am not looking like I could take care of things. Or something like that.