How important is sex in your relationship, and how important do you think it should be? Why?

I didn't read that comment, but to answer your question: I'm an extremely sexual person, and sex is very important to me in a relationship.

However, I learned the hard way (no pun intended) that great sex won't save a relationship, if the rest of the relationship isn't solid. In other words, sex isn't enough. I have been in a relationship my entire adult life, which started when I was 16, and we married a year after college. Sex was always the main focus of our time together, and if we had an issue, we "solved" it with sex. At the time, I thought it was ideal, because we never fought. But, we also never learned to communicate, work together, work through issues or reach a higher level of emotional intimacy. Over the years, we were happy during sex, but only when we were having sex.

When I was 40, I met someone long-distance, and we clicked immediately...by communication only. We spent three years communicating only (nothing physical), and we had an emotional intimacy that I didn't know could exist. The phrase, "he gets me" is one that I finally understood, and I opened up to him completely, without any walls.

During that time, my husband and I reached the breaking point and opened our marriage. But, I wasn't sure if I wanted to start a physical relationship with the other guy, even though I was incredibly physically attracted to him. I was unsure because I was afraid that the physical relationship might change the emotional connection we had, and I didn't want to lose that.

We did start the physical relationship about five months later, and all of my fears were unfounded. Sex has been more amazing than I ever thought sex could be, because of the deep emotional intimacy that we share. Our emotional intimacy increased because of the physical intimacy we shared.

What's more fulfilling, the sex part or the other parts of relationships? What part of a relationship fills your tank and energizes you, sex or something else?

That's not easy for me to answer, because I want it all - the emotional and physical. As I mentioned above, sex alone without the deeper emotional intimacy is not as fulfilling for me.

What drains you?

Not feeling understood, appreciated or emotionally connected.

/r/sexover30 Thread