My dad suffered from depression, and killed himself when I was a kid. He probably felt like people wouldn’t miss him, but we did. It feels selfish to say this, but in a way that’s helped me: when I feel like I am a burden, wouldn’t be missed, people would be better off without me, etc, I remember his concrete example of how depression messes with your head and makes you believe things like that when they’re very much not true. I know how me and my family were affected by his death, and even if I can’t think of another compelling reason to live at that point, I remind myself that the same thing would happen to my family and friends if I died. Even if I feel they’d be better off, I have solid evidence that they wouldn’t.

Making myself accountable to someone also helps. In the past when I’ve been planning suicide, I’ve called or texted a friend to say “Can I visit” or “I’ll text you again in x minutes/hours”, the idea being that if I don’t show up or don’t text back because I’m dead, I’ll be letting them down or they’ll at least know something’s up. Sometimes the company or just the act of reaching out helps as well. Calling a suicide hotline may serve the same purpose. Isolation is a bitch.

The things that have really helped me long-term not sink to that place are cutting out harmful relationships, seeking medical and government help, and surrounding myself with good people. This has taken a lot of time, luck, and support that I am extremely fortunate to have. Looking back I’m very glad I never went through with it.

If you’re asking because you’re in that place, hang in there and keep living. <3