f you're the husband of the woman in the marriage, you don't want your wife to lose her temper. You want your wife to learn to keep her anger to yourself. Her anger is her tool. You want her to be able to use it with her husband when he feels it's needed.

"I can have anger without me losing it. I'm more effective if I don't get mad." — Marilène Hutz, a therapist

If you want to let her have her anger and not let it control you, make her feel your anger. Don't beat her up when she gets angry. If you're being aggressive with her, you're losing your temper yourself. Learn how to stop using anger against your wife.

"I think it's a myth that it only takes anger for you to hurt your spouse." — Lisa Dier, a marriage and family therapist

You've got to learn how to let go of anger yourself and learn how to use it instead. Anger has a lot of positive things going for it — it makes you focus and take control. But it also creates resentment in your relationship and in those around you. And anger has a tendency to turn to rage as you get pissed off.

If you want your spouse to accept your side of the story and be civil, you have to learn how to let go of anger. If you want your spouse to learn how to listen more to you, learn how to let go. If you want your spouse to treat you with respect, learn how to let go. These techniques don't mean you've got to throw every single angry out-of-hand-lashing you've ever had at your spouse. But they do mean that you're more careful and more methodical with that angry outbursts. You can actually do it, too. If you want your spouse to feel comfortable talking with you about your anger, you've got to learn how to let go of it yourself.