My ex-spouse cheated on me with my sibling in 2003, while I was on my second Iraq deployment. The fallout led to the near-total collapse of all of my family and friend relationships. It was brutal.

There's no magic formula here. You wake up each morning, and you get out of bed. You eat meals. You do your job. You continue to move forward. When you have time, you try to puzzle everything out, and you make good progress, but you never quite get there. You learn what's important to you. You make small steps, starting with recognizing that brushing your teeth is a meaningful act of self-care, and you try to actively move towards getting better at doing things for yourself, and for others.

One day, you look back, and you realize that an entire day has gone by without thinking about it. Later on - maybe much later on - there's the moment when you realize you hadn't thought about it for a week. Then a month. It never goes away, but like radiation, it's much easier to handle with increased distance from the source.

You realize, preferably sooner rather than later, that along with the shitstorm, you've been delivered an unasked-for dose of freedom. You're destructive with the freedom at first, but only for a little while. You quickly learn to reserve commitment for when you know it's good for you and for others. You take a step back and, unflinchingly, take a look at your life.

Brace yourself, face yourself. Own your shit. Fix it when you can. Mitigate it when you can't. The plans you formulated when you were early in your grieving process (which you can now recognize for what it is) were bullshit. You're lucky you never followed them, because they were mostly based on fixing whatever flaw you perceived in yourself or your life at that moment. You're not entirely beyond that, but you have empathy for your future self that you never had before, and you've started to recognize that empathy for your future self is also called 'discipline'.

Your plan creeps quietly into your consciousness. It doesn't arrive with a parade and confetti, it sneaks in through a window. You've already enacted the early stages without realizing it. The rest are lined up. It'll take work, but you're equal to the task, and it's not insurmountable.

OP asked what the outcome was. Dismiss it as a cop-out if you want, but there is no singular outcome. Good plans don't have singular goals. They have positive outcomes that well up along the path. The goal changes over time, much to your betterment. You change with it. You feel better, act better, respond better.

One person's wisdom, take it or leave it.