How do me [35F] and my husband [36M] deal with the birth of SIL's [29F] stillborn child?

I am so sorry for what your family is going through. My own family has dealt with this a couple of times. Be there emotionally for them. As others have said, if they name it and want to memorialize the baby, use the name. Follow your SIL's lead. If she wants to have a remembrance "celebration" every year on the baby's birthday, please do not shun her, as it is a part of her and her husband's grieving process. If they share pictures of the baby once it has passed, you don't have to look at them intently if you don't feel up to it. (My brother in law asked me to make a photo magnet with their first baby's picture, and my dad freaked out on me for doing it. I reminded my dad that it was for them, and if it helped them, I was going to do it. It's not my most favorite picture in the world, but it is the only picture I have of that child.)

Other great suggestions have been given of making sure they have good, substantive food in their house and to send little gifts that show you care. I love your idea of gifting her a necklace or bracelet with the baby's birthstone. My sister has one for each of her kids, whether they made it to term or not. Something that shows that you are thinking of them as a family unit, and that you remember the baby. Do they have a garden, or do you? A place where you can make a special plaque or stone and plant a tree or special plant? Something that can live and grow and show your remembrance.

Again, I'm so sorry for your family's loss.

/r/relationships Thread