Be careful with this, especially when it comes to hurting others. It takes kids a long time to develop proper impulse control, and parents are typically the safety net that protects them from consequences they are unable to grasp.
You're telling me! Impulse control is what most of our focus is on currently. We've tried all the standard stuff (take a deep breath, stop and think about what you're doing, take a second to ask yourself if you'll get in trouble for doing what you're about to do, etc), however nothing seemed to have as much of an effect as the actual discussion about consequences. Not consequences from us, mind you, but consequences from his peers.
The kid gives less than a shit about us punishing him. Being punished by his peers, however? That is something that affects him on a deep, emotional level. Once we identified that information, we used it to change our general approach to punishment and consequences.
Not to mention, an 8 year old is not always going to be aware of what actions may garner consequences for you (lawsuit from other parents, involvement of social agencies, potentially costly reimbursement of property damage etc.)
This is something that, thankfully, we haven't had to deal with yet.
Come to think of it, when I was a kid, learning to read was my most hated thing, but my parents forced me through it. Had I been allowed to accept the consequences of remaining illiterate, I would have, despite being behind the other kids. Perhaps I never would have developed the love of reading I have today, and definitely not as early. Not long after learning, I became the top reader in all of my classes, and the library was my favorite place in the world.
This is also something that we thankfully don't have to deal with. The interests we selfishly want him to have (i.e. the same things we're interested in) are things that he has grown organically to love. Reading happens to be one of those things. Having him read to us was the tipping point on this one.
I had a friend who once spoke positively about her laissez-faire parents, but the more you got to know her, the more apparent the effects of their non-approach that have followed her into adulthood: poor manners, unhealthy/overweight (actually obese) unaware of many aspects of social etiquette, VERY lacking in self-discipline etc.
I think there's a distinct difference between having a loose grip vs having no grip.
I think it's important that parents guide their children through the world by imposing artificial consequences when the real-world ramifications are beyond their grasp (not to mention, we don't always get what we deserve when we do bad things).
Quite true! However, in my son's particular case, his ability to understand the cause and effect of his actions isn't an issue at all. In that respect, his wise far beyond his years; our main challenge isn't getting him to understand, but rather getting him to listen to himself. Whenever he does something he knows he shouldn't have done, he can tell you with intimate detail exactly why he shouldn't have done it, what he should've done instead, and what he's going to do next time the same situation occurs.
He's gotten a little better with this in recent months. Considering people spend their entire lives not listening to their own advice, any improvement by him in this area is welcome.
Punishment is meant to be for the child's benefit, after all- it's not necessarily doing them any favors to skip it.
This is the crux of the problem, as I mentioned earlier: no punishment we can possibly enact on him will have an effect. He'll complain about it, sure, but two minutes later, he'll find something else to do to keep himself occupied. Not allowed to watch tv or play games? He'll read. Not allowed to play with his toys? He'll take everyday objects around the house, and turn them into toys.*
The only, only punishment that works with him is the derision and disappointment he receives from his peers. Nothing we can do sticks with him longer than a minute or two, and he certainly doesn't learn anything from it.