Understood.

As has been written in other comments, you’re free to hotel where ever you want. I will add though that I’ve actually been in this position many trips around the sun ago - and now that I think about it, even down to the 4-night stay. Any social activity that’s not part of the wedding schedule is going to originate there and probably take place there, and at a 4-night stay, there will be a lot of that.

I know it’s a tough call and money is what it is. I think this is a case where you wouldn’t be spending money to please someone else, I would see it as spending the money to be part of a shared experience.

Also for what it’s worth, while that per night price for hotel is a little high in my experience, $1k for that stay isn’t that bad a price as a composite. I used to travel regularly for business and that was usually $2000-2500 per week although that also included air travel and the other parameters were a little different.