Regarding the gym stuff, I think it's because I struggle to eat enough since mental health + medications makes my appetite very unstable. I've been to the doctor's but they just told me to go away, pretty much. I think I work out sufficiently hard at the gym, I'm always dead by the time I leave at the very least!

Have you ever experienced that? Have you ever seen a really cute girl in a group of her friends, and got totally fucking scared and thought there is no way you can do this, and you're about to shit your pants. But you go over and say hi. And she smiles at you. Ever done that?

I've "shot my shot" or whatever you'd want to call it in terms of romance quite a few times but it's not worked out. IN MY BELIEF I have no good qualities or characteristics (I guess other than "tryhard", but then lots of people don't like that anyway), and so why would anyone be attracted to me? I try to change that as I've said, but nothing seems to be working. That's the crux of it really, I try hard and I get nothing from it, and so my life is in a bad place overall. I then near-instinctively compare myself to others who're in better positions and it makes me feel worthless because they have what I want, and seeing them is a constant reminder that I fail in every aspect of life.

I don't know how to get out of this.

Have you ever gone so far as to call up some of the professors at the universities you want to attend, or whoever is in charge of admissions, or even drove to see them in person thinking "this is crazy" the whole way? Ever ask them "What can I do. What would it take?" And acknowledged that while you cant change the grades of the past, maybe you could crank out straight A's on your gen. ed.s now and transfer over to your university of choice later?

I did on results day but to no avail. Depending on what my grades are in my 1st year of uni, I might try again, sure.