Started questioning at 14. Thought that every guy privately pondered that. Sure, every guy thinks about it hypothetically at least every week. Repress away!
By 16 I'd come up with fantasies of what I'd look like if I could use magic or some shit. Attempted drawing some ideas (poorly).
By 18 I knew I was off, but they're just fantasies. Heh, yeah. Means nothing. I'm not like those creepy weirdos I see on Jerry Springer or the 80s/90s documentaries! Fuck no! Now if I could just live long enough for the tech to let me flawlessly change my body or swap with a body that was basically me had I been born female...THAT'S different. Hell, wouldn't anybody try that? ...right?
By 20 I enlisted with the Army. Cliche, isn't it?
21 is when some of my attempts at drawing were discovered in a room inspection. [repression intensifies] I also made friends with a trans girl online, though I didn't know initially. Holy shit, I could tell ERP with her...without restrictions? Hallelujah! Just dumb fantasies...
At 23 I returned from a 15 month tax dollar trip to a lovely locale with psych problems as my souvenir. And oh, hey, met girl who'd eventually be married to me. She makes me feel like a man now! I just needed intimacy. Hey, she's even cool with me CDing. Holy shit, miracles do happen! Oh, I'm an "autogynephiliac". So that's why I'm so fucked up! Thanks, internet circa 2008!
24 has me married to that girl. Yup, I'm a lucky guy with a stupid fetish. Keep that shit to myself, yuppers.
By 25 I'm out, I can live in my own place now. Now that I can CD practically whenever I want I'll definitely be able to satiate that stupid fetish. Right?
26 has me find out that AGP is total bullshit. Mindfuckery is fun, kids!
From 27 to 28 I'm thinking more and more that maaaaybe my plan of "Don't bother pursuing anything until the tech is all sorts of wow and shiny because modern methods suck, are expensive, and are largely irreversible anyway." isn't going to work. I am apparently a childishly optimistic moron. Pessimism prevails. Damn you, reality. Oh, and it seems that my wife is fine with me CDing...but not the idea of me doing anything beyond that.
29...oh shit. Guess I might really be some sort of trans after all.
At 30 I finally found a private psych that specced into trans issues, and spend a few months figuring out what the fuck I am. Seems I'm either MtF or genderqueer with a heavy leaning towards wanting feminine features rather than male ones. Stupid gender identity being so confusing and shit. Sorta-kinda came out to my wife (she already knew certain things I told her over the years anyway), and we started seeing that psych together. Only other people that know are a handful of people on the internet, that one trans friend, and that's about it. Recently tried a trial run of HRT to see if it's for me (hence why I'm even posting in this thread at all, so yay for technicalities). Felt bretty gud. Once I tie up some issues I'll start for reals, hopefully before I'm 31. Of course my wife isn't too thrilled...and I may lose my marriage as my bad end in this story, despite her really trying psychologically. Heh...yay, get both our hearts ripped out for the opportunity to be a maybe semi-passing non-op trans woman (if I'm very lucky and come into money), or be consigned to a miserable existence as I watch myself age towards looking like my father and my wife feeling tormented at her thinking she's causing it.
So, yeah, took me about 16 years to really try to get to work. Fuck you, Blanchard and minions. Fuck you, Jerry Springer.