How do you get over the strong desire to get into another relationship right after leaving a toxic one?

I'm currently riding out the most severe loneliness I have ever experienced in my life. I'm making myself. I'm not going to keep making the same mistakes, follow the same patterns, I want to be happy someday. Obviously whatever I was doing before is not working.

I have had a boyfriend since always. I've never had a shortage of boys or men to tell me what to do. It started with my brother and when he died something in me broke. He said I didn't know how to be alone and he was right, I always had to have a boyfriend. Always.

I've had one since I was 16 and they are just getting progressively worse and more soul damaging. They didn't start off great to begin with.

I don't know how to set boundaries and I don't really even know how to say no sometimes. I don't respect myself so of course my partners don't respect me either. I will literally make myself sick trying to make them happy and it always end the same anyway. Bad.

I thought my last one was perfect. I'm mentally ill, he knew that going in and then got mad at me for being mentally ill. My brother killed himself in December. I'm trying my best and Jesus Christ I am killing it considering the memorial is next month and it's going to be hard. So hard. Lots of people I do not want to see.

Anyway I'm sober, I exercise everyday, I have an apartment, a job, and I'm actually fucking amazing. Someone is going to be lucky to date me but if I don't respect myself enough to stay single and heal from my trauma then I'll just pick another guy that doesn't respect me either.

I made a promise to myself once. I'm not going to sacrifice my happiness for a man ever again. I'm not dating until I know I'm ready to follow through on it. Obviously I want to make my next partner happy but I can't sacrifice myself like I used to in the past. It hurts because they leave anyway. Maybe that's on me too.

I need to explore it all and I need to learn how to communicate with someone before I touch their genitals from now on. I want someone that actually knows me so they don't act all surprised by who I am when we start dating. That one always confuses me too. I always pick "friends" and I'm starting to realize it was really just men that wanted to fuck me. So that's always fun to find out.

I am literally alone alone in the world right now. I can't call my big brother to tell him I can do it. Would he be proud? I mean my codependency probably started because I always relied on him to be my voice growing up.

Who am I even without all these men that have shaped me? I'm gonna find out. I am going to try being assertive and confident when I go back out there.The opposite of what I used to be. You owe it to yourself to demand the best out of people especially when you're giving them yours.

Lol and I just realized subconsciously I'm doing exactly what my brother always told me to do so I'm still doing what a man said. Whatever he wanted me to be happy. He isn't here so I have to be. Or it means nothing. He's just gone and that's it. I'm all fucked up. So yeah I'm waiting to date.

/r/Codependency Thread