Part of my brain says holy shit how did it get so bad get out. Our daughter is learning this. I got out of one toxic world specifically so she wouldn't learn all that crap. Only to be in all this?? No way. She is PERFECT. She is going to be a tough cookie. She already is so good about telling people what she wants and she's sweet and she is going to be tough many days but I am looking forward to it. I don't want her to be all sorts of messed up because of this marriage.

But then the one family member I tried to get advice from tells me divorce is so bad for kids stay for the kids. But then staying in hell isn't good either...

Part of me sees how he was raised... That he's maybe trying ..

And part of me remembers who he was before all this.

I have two equal and opposite feelings with exact opposite interpretations of this experience and only one seems to be present in my head at one time. I either have an answer for everything he does and feel compassion and I think of him as loving and trying his best. Or I feel terror and rage that we're doing the same dance for months.