How do I stop being angry at my brother for abandoning me during our mother's death?

I can only share with you my story in solidarity: Two years ago my Mother, a cancer and stroke survivor who was living alone, fell and broke her hip, as a result of a dizzy spell brought on by overmedication. She went into a rehab facility and conceded she was going to have to stay in assisted living for the rest of her life afterward. She lived in St. Petersburg, FL, and I live in Minnesota. My brother lived in Sarasota, an hour from her. I flew down there to begin sorting all her things and the process of downsizing her to just the necessities. One week of work lost plus travel expense. My Girlfriend was there to help that time, we stayed in her apartment and got a lot done. Brother has several DUI and cannot drive, and he said a bus fare was 20 bucks he dint care to spend as he doesn't really feel obligated to help. The last day was Easter, and he called demanding a ride, so he could eat at Moms rehab. Driving 3 hours to get him wasn't in our tight schedule, and he hadn't lifted a finger to help all week. HE called while we were eating and left a voicemail saying he was coming up and was going to kill me. I called the sheriff and two deputies and I made him break down and cry in the parking lot. The lady and I decide we were going to pay my Moms rent and keep her apartment down there until we could travel down again and finish emptying it out. A month later I drove back down there solo this time and finished the job, loading up the car to drive back with a few things we didn't want to sell or give away. Again no help from the brother, and I really didnt want it at that point. So on the drive home while trying to navigate St. Lois rush hour I was in this screaming match with my brother on the phone. I would hang up, and he would call back, just real stupid stuff. I get back home, and he begins a FB attack series, comments like "loser" on photos, blocking me and making up all sorts of lies in posts on his wall, etc. All the while I am torn between hating him and wondering what it all was about. He even PMed my girlfriend and told her I was cheating on her during a visit a few years prior. Mom moved into a nursing facility where she resides today, and he calls her from time to time to harass and make her cry. She calls me afterward with the details. I think its okay to hate for a while, and I am not sure how long I will be harboring it. Maybe forever. Father and I don't speak anymore but that is a whole other story and suffice it to say he would also be of no use, he divorced her when I was 5. In regards to both of our situations, I had a therapist drive home one thing, that is you cannot change other people. You can change the way they affect you, but like I said, in some situations you have a right to express animosity in an obvious manner if you have been wronged on such a personal level.

/r/getting_over_it Thread