How do I stop being over protective about my girlfriend having guy friends

You have some good emotional responses here. The gospel of it, is that you have no control over it, and if she wanted to cheat she would. So long as their relationships have boundaries - you need to give her space and trust her.

I want to, though - is address two things. These two things are probably what's the core issue here. Your trust, and then head-space. I may be off park on the first one, so just bear with me.

If you still have trust issues crawling from previous relationships, chances are - you have yet to forgive yourself. You see, there's an internal conflict on victims of cheating that nobody really talks about. And that's your relationship with yourself. Your fear regarding your SO may be that not only did she destroy your relationship - but also how you view yourself. So you getting uneasy isn't so much that SHE is going to cheat, it is that she may find someone who she thinks is better than you in some way - whether that be physical, smarts, or anything else. And the question when being cheated on is... well... why? What didn't I do that was good enough? And in this whole thing, while you may have gotten over these cheaters and moved onto other relationships. You still have yet to forgive yourself. I've seen your post history dude. You're a built mother fucker. You also seem kind. And that my , is good enough. I realize I went very micro on this, there may be more to it. But, just realize she chose you for a reason. I can see the reason clear as fucking day.

Now for just some practical advice.

There is no solution for you to cold stop overthinking her hanging out with guys, so lets try something else. Let's try and just be okay with it. At peace. How about that bud?

Anytime you feel uneasy, I want you to do something.

Sit somewhere where you won't be disturbed. Close your eyes, and just breathe for a second. Now, imagine this.

You're sitting on a rock on a hill. Just you, no one else. On the other-side, if you look just dead straight ahead into the horizon, you can see and feel happiness. It's very bright there, it's warm, it's calm. It's just, peaceful.

But in between you on the hill, and happiness is this little, isolated highway. cars whizzing by. Left and right. Now imagine these cars are anything that makes you anxious, nervous, or uneasy. On one car it might be your salary, because you don't make enough money. On another it might be a score on a test, that you need. But on another is your girlfriend. She just darted by. You're still there, on that hill - but so is happiness on the other side. It's still warm there, it's still shining on the other side. You're still here on this rock.

So what am I getting at? Well, there are things in your life that you can't control. You can do your best, and you can give it everything you got - but you still might only just get a B. But you know what? That car just drove right by. And you're still here? Breathing slowly and calmly? At any point, you can get off that hill and just walk across the highway. One foot in front of the other. And you can still always be happy no matter what problems come by. Don't try and chase the cars nor try and stop them, just let them come - recognize them, and let them go. Train your mind to recognize things that let you feel uneasy, but don't get too distracted with them. Don't chase after these thoughts, they'll out run you every-time.

Just sit on your rock, at ease, and focus on the things you can change.

/r/AskMen Thread