How do I tell a girl that she should ask her BF to fix her car before asking me?

Yeah. I can see what you guys are saying and there is probably some truth in it, but again, I would help any friend of mine with something like that without expecting anything in return beyond a 'thank you'. There are plenty of situations where I have to ask my friends if I'm missing something when dealing with people. Otherwise, I'm just constantly replaying social interactions in my head trying to understand what people mean or intend.

The thing is, she really is a good friend of mine, regardless of what feelings I may have. She's one of the few people that 'gets' me, and is able to overlook a lot of my social naïveté. I honestly don't think I can change her mind so I don't do things for her just because I think it's going to win her over. I do it because my life is a wreck and one of the only things that makes me feel better is being nice and helping people out. Without trying to sound like a saccharine-sweet cliché, it really does feel good to be nice. The relationship I've got with her isn't completely one-sided, either. She's helped me through some rough times as well. Deep in the back of my mind I think it would absolutely awesome if she changed her mind about me, but I don't actually expect it to happen, and it's not my primary motivation.

No two aspies are exactly alike. I tend to have a difficult time reading people's emotions. I also have issues with conveying my own, so I put a lot of thought into what and how I say things. What that means is, to anyone that doesn't know me, I tend to come off as a bit of an unsympathetic asshole and that's far from the truth. Interacting with people is an active, conscious process for me. To me, other people seem to be running on some kind of social autopilot whereas I'm stuck in the captain's chair and micromanaging the whole operation.

I guess I'm going to just have to be blunt with her. I was worried that it would come with a passive-aggressive and spiteful sentiment. Like I said, it can often seem like I'm being an asshole, and I worry about that. You guys are making me realize that in this situation it is a perfectly reasonable, non-asshole attitude to have.

/r/socialskills Thread Parent