How do I tell my 9y/o her class and teammate committed suicide today

I actually think it would be good to not go into detail about HOW she died, at least at first. Don't lie, for sure, be honest that she died and don't say anything outright untrue (e.g., she died of cancer). But it's very possible that other parents won't be telling all the gory details either, and that it will take a long time for the details to circulate. Tell your daughter that she died and you can let her know that if she has any questions she can always ask you about it. That way if word does circulate she knows there's no off-limits questions and nothing shameful.

The reason I say this is that there is a very demonstrable contagion effect of suicide and self-harm behaviors. So yes, you're right that you don't want to tell her nothing at all or a complete lie because then it will be a shock if she gets the truth dropped on her at school out of the blue. But you also could increase her risk of dangerous behaviors if you drop too much on her all at once.

/r/Parenting Thread Parent