Thanks.
I make a lot of posts about mental illness trying to nudge people to read, understand, get professional help, and combine that with CBT, meditation, and self help. But the first step should be to get a professional opinion of what might be the issue rather then just picking one off a list.
I've been using a variation of the following post lately in drug and psychedelics subreddits to try to explain to people asking if they can take a drug and if it will help them that its a little more complicated then that. My own healing journey did involve MDMA and DMT but that was after being professionally diagnosed and after many other options were tried.
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If anxiety is challenge you please reach out for help. I highly recommend a starting point being reading the book - Invisible Heroes: Survivors of Trauma and How They Heal [Belleruth Naparstek, Robert C. Scaer] http://www.amazon.com/Invisible-Heroes-Survivors-Trauma-They/dp/0553383744
Different people need different approaches and this book will help you find what works for you and why it works. This book will open up so many more options for self help and for professional help. If you cannot afford a copy I will buy you one.
I have seen this book help a lot of people through a lot of rough spots with anxiety, PTSD, and DPDR from divorce, war, abuse, rape this book has helped a lot of people I personally know.
The CBT techniques are well discussed as well as a multitude of newer therapies that could help. It explains real world cases and what worked and why sometimes other things don't work why different people respond differently.
Don't just try a single approach be it medication, therapy meditation, MDMA, cannabis, psychedelics or any one thing and expect it to fix you. Consider those things more like, a different window to look through. Often times you don't need to use ANY of those things to change your perspective and open up a new window with fresh air. Try the more mild things first and get a psychologist to diagnose and make recommendations first.
Don't jump in to medication legal or illegal or psychedelic. Also, don't trip without a sitter or without preperation!
Yes if you have tried many options then more extreme measures have helped veterans I know. MAPS MDMA study: http://mdmaptsd.org/research-category.html MAPS does important PTSD research using MDMA as well as psychedelics. These aren't long haired rock stars being studied. They are veterans that have suffered things you really don't want to imagine. As a veteran my life and the life of some of my closest friends have been changed drastically for the better by MDMA and psychedelics.
There is an epidemic of military and veteran suicide but it is possible to get help to live a more normal life by being able to feel, have emotions without being overwhelmed by them, and take control of your mind back from fear, anxiety, PTSD, flashbacks, and depression.
Please talk to others and discuss your experiences please be willing to keep trying to find help and known it gets better.
My partner talked to a psychologist several times while on mushrooms or MDMA about her PTSD and DPDR and it was better therapy then years of exposure therapy. She reconnected with her body immediately and it changed her life. My life would be a terrible mess if I had left my treatment to the VA. What they offered started my journey to healing but it didn't go as far as I wanted to.
Before tripping I would recommend reading Be here now, the psychedelic experience by Leary, PTSD invisible hero's and mindfulness in plain english. A lot of these can be found free on the internet. Don't just ingest something and expect it to fix you or help you.
I have used although with caution illegal drugs which I always used with a sitter in a peaceful therapy situation or even used with a psychologist that had previously been arranged to talk to me while I was under the influence of mushrooms or mda or both.
There are options and you can try the road less traveled responsibly. People are willing to help. Please seek help. Please don't ever stop trying to make your life work for you. Do not listen to the downers that are too afraid to even try something. Be safe, if you decide to use a psychedelic or MDMA get a test kit, know what you do, do it with a trained sitter, always use a low dose to start with and work your way up from threshold. Learn to meditate and research what you choose to do first. Life is a journey not a destination. PS. I've had a bad trip. It was actually really good for me as I was able to release a lot of emotions, fear, suffering, cry, and when it was over it was over. It was intense. But it passed and it was rare but I would rather get it out then hold that darkness pent up and try to repress it. If you're afraid to live an intense life you're just trying to make it safely to the grave. We all get there eventually. I'd rather live a full life then try to make it numb and go away.