How do you know when someone doesn't respect you?

Hmm, I think this is a good question. I'm at the point where I don't know how much "respect" we can reasonably expect from other people. What's normal for some is downright offensive to others. I have disrespected others and had others disrespect me, but in those cases, the offending party wasn't necessarily aware of this. This is in regards to close friends, however. Lots of people are dicks 100% of the time. Here are some of the things that people do/have done that make me feel disrespected:

  • When they treat you worse than others, who should be similar (especially applicable in regards to bosses and teachers)
  • When they assume the worst of you, or misinterpret you. If there's ambiguity in something you say/do, they'll interpret it in the worst possisble light.
  • When they're insincere. Apologizing for something but then doing it again as soon as they get the chance.
  • Asking you to consider their feelings and do things for them, without doing the same for you. When they do stuff to you that they wouldn't tolerate from you.
  • When they disbelieve everything you say
  • When they condescend to you
  • When they talk over you
  • When they are snappish and don't expect a negative response
  • When they get upset with you for behaving in a way that doesn't place their considerations above your own (what?). I kind of think this is the gold standard. How do they treat you when your behavior doesn't line up with what they want from you?

I think everyone does things like this. I've had everything on this list done to me and I've done most of it to other people. I haven't met anyone who is good on all of this all the time.

As you mentioned, consistency is important, and I think that applies to character traits. Some people come off as condescending without meaning to be, but the nature of your other interactions with them and their interactions with others will give away the intent behind these slip-ups.

/r/blackladies Thread