same music as they are as some sort of defect of character rather than just the fact that people have different tastes or opinions

All in all - as a parent, I'll never tell my kids what they should and should not like. In the grand scheme of things - what music they listen to is not on my list of priorities of things i care about, even though i'm deeply and passionately invested in my listening habits.

I don't care if they like any of the hobbies they like. I want to expose my kid to everything. To ballet, to monster truck rallies, to sports, to music, to plays and theater, to books, to science, to fantasy.

That all being said - i don't think all musical tastes are equal. And i differentiate "what i like" from "what is good". I realize i outright like some crap. I realize there are amazingly talented bands out there that don't appeal to me. And if my kid, likes crap - i won't make fun or ridicule, but i won't validate their seeking of approval either.

That being said - i have zero desire to treat my kid as an "imprinting machine" even though that's what he'll be until a certain point. The values i want my kid to have in order is 1. a sense of independence and responsibility, 2. a sense of empathy and strength (mental and physical), and 3. intelligence and curiosity.

And by intelligence - i mean both someone who tries hard to succeed in his educational efforts, and someone who tries hard to be an objective and critical thinker - even if those conclusions he comes to are in stark contradiction to my own. If he has a sense of self preservation and confidence that comes from the combination of independence and responsibility, if he has he heart to care for others and to have a deep sense of empathy but without being a guilt ridden doormat ruled by his feels (in other words, a pragmatic and balanced approach), and the smarts to succeed in life and to form his own opinions derived from critical thought..being skeptical without being conspiratorial.

if those values alone are things i can instill, i don't care if everything else we have is only our differences. I'd rather him be in his 30s and me in my 60 and the only thing we have to talk about is the weather, than i would fail and instilling those traits.

During the early elementary years, the parents are idolized, but as kids age and become more social, they begin to idolize other members of their social groups. That doesn't mean that the child loves you any less, it just means that they're developing an identity.

I think i'm already prepared for the reality of not being #1. But when i was a child and i reached out for social groups, i gravitated towards the wrong kind of person as a child. My mother .... for all intents and purposes, made me incredibly dependent on her and smothered much of my growth in attempts to explore independence and i wasn't given responsibility to go with that independence. She overly hovered, and catered to everything and i was ill prepared in elementary school to fit in socially. I was picked on ruthlessly for being a wuss, and for doing all the things i did in order to make my parents proud. I associated my "dork" status with my good grades and my following of the rules - so when i branched out, i reached out to troubled kids from homes far more broken and problematic than my own. I was smoking by 12. Drinking and smoking pot by 13. My first girlfriend was suicidal and within a month of us breaking up was the center of a gangbang at a neighborhood party. As i grew up my friends packed guns, did hard drugs, got in fights, vandalized, stoles cars and car stereos. As an adult - some of them are dead due to gun violence or overdoses, one is in prison for rape. And believe it or not - i went to a nice school in a nice area. It was the nicest area in the surrounding suburbs of the city i lived in. Most people made fun of the school for being "yuppie" and snooty. But here i was with friend's who's mothers did heroin and worked night shifts as single parents, or were old-hag prostitutes, or who had multiple kids by multiple men - all of which were physically abusive. When i was really young,before the crimes got serious - i saw these kids as the type that never got picked on. They never got bullied. That was so attractive to me..and so that's where i was pulled to. In some ways i wear this as a badge - because surviving it made me stronger. It also gave me a deep sense of empathy for those who had it much worse than i ever had. It made me into who i am today, and i like who i am. I might wear my life on my sleeve, but.. i wouldn’t confuse that for narcissism either. But it gave me scars that i don't think any human being, that any child should have.

The people i gravitated towards and the lifestyle that dragged me into - awful fucking attitude, uncontrollable and explosive emotional states from dealing with issues way too difficult for a 13-16 year old to process. It turned my home into a war zone of tears and shouting arguments. My inconsistent, sometimes oddly draconian and sometimes oddly loose parents - who were also huge racists, homophobes, misogynists, who have no intellectual grounding in anything - constantly peddling buffet styled religion, old wives tales, pseudo-science, and right wing culture-warrior attitudes as their endless wisdom, who were physically abusive and emotionally manipulative - but who in the end wanted their kids to turn out better than they did and were willing to buckle down and do everything in their power to ensure that was so - created this duality of endless admiration and shame, of love and hate, of being indebted to them for their sacrifice while disliking them and their personalities to the core.

I know i'm not my folks - i'm introspective to a fault, i know how to hold my ground when i make my decisions but humble enough to doubt my righteousness endlessly. I find myself in far better control of my negative emotions, and consider myself thoughtful, empathetic and poignantly tough when needing to be but without it falling into mindless machismo. I'm open-minded and love the diversity of taste and thought in human culture but not so much that i result in thinking all options as equally valid. I like to think i understand the greys in life, the dualities, the intersections of qualities, thoughts, opinions, and experiences.

And for some reason, even though i blow this smoke up my own ass - nothing removes the fear that i will fuck up royally, and that my child will hate me.

I know the frustrations i have with my folks, the shame i have when i'm in public with them and they speak to strangers and in one sentence make themselves look like ignorant fools, drama queens, and hateful assholes all in one fell swoop. I'm ashamed of them, i'm disappointed in them that they could be better, be more. I resent them. I resent them for turning me into a wimp that was ill prepared for socialization, i resent them for being draconian on issues that didn't matter and loose and negligent on ones that did.

And i see my son giggle, i see i make him laugh, i see his curiosity and attentiveness and think he's the most awesome little thing in the world.. and i can't stomach the thought that he'll one day think of me, the way i think of them. The way my wife thinks of her father. The way endless kids think of their parents...as these fucked up relics that you can't wait for society to discard so the world can move forward.