It's complicated because I keep thinking she's why he was how he was to me. That's how abuse cycle works

I only was in love with shaking hands in the present for one night, but I'll always be in love with the memory of him. It just makes me so sad tho lol. Because I'll just remember the things like the way he showed a chair to his mom in my ex's house who he was rooming with, the way he looked at me after my ex showed him a certain painting, the way he stared at me as my ex was talking too much on the bus when he put his head down on his bag, and all the incredibly nice things he didn't have to do that he did for me. Chasing a honeymoon enables abuse too, tho. That's what I would've been doing based on the contrast, which I'm sure his ex affected