where in the world did you get the knowledge that most male humans won’t say mushy shit like saying something along the lines of “my lover is asleep cuddling with me” lol

I mean good in depth judgement, seems like maybe a little bit of personal life projection seeping in there cuz there is like.. genuinely not enough information given here to make /even one/ of the conclusions you had. But that’s not a bad thing, there’s still an important message there in what you’ve said.

A little too sleuth-y and oddly specific, like those scenes in TV/movies where someone goes off about a seemingly common/shared problem w the audience but then adds in ODDLY specific parts like “when your wife forgets to pack your lunch- (many people are supposed to relate) then she leaves the STUPID fucking OLIVES OUT (now it takes an oddly specific turn) on the FUCKING COUNTER like she KNOWS You can’t stand and she knows! She knows. She does it to be just like your mother- because she knows you hate her and that your mother LOVES olives...”