Life

I used to not think too much about what would happen later in my life. I thought it would always work out. Living day to day going from one simple pleasure to the next. Of course, I worked a shit job and had mediocre grades at best. I knew I was unhappy, and I was really good at blaming things for all events that never went my way. Did poorly on a math test? My teacher sucked. Never made any friends? They were all losers anyway. Parents never respected me? They don't understand who I am. And so on. This was in high school.

Nowadays, my perspective has changed a lot. Ironically, I think video games had a big impact on how I view life. Hear me out. I used to be what I would call an achievement hunter, or trophy hunter. The goal is to 100% any game you play, and I had a great record. Some games were easy, and some were harder than anything I had ever done. Seeing the statistics that say I am one in fifty people to have completed an achievement in the entire world made me feel like a fucking god. But, it was empty. The experience didn't mean anything. The trophies were just digital noise that no one cared about. But, I learned a key thing about myself. I learned that many things were obtainable for me, if I put in the effort to do it.

This is probably not true. There are probably many things that even if I tried very hard in, I would not do well. But I like an underdog story, and I always put myself in positions where it looks like the odds are stacked against me.

Originally, I came to this school in a different program, not STEM related. I had poor math grades in high school (high 60s), and never even took calculus. I was bored in my program though, and in second year I switched to math, much to the surprise of... everyone.

I exist to challenge myself. I'm still struggling to stay above average in math here. I work very hard, but as soon as it becomes a little bit easier, that's when I'll need to change it up. Life is so boring when everything is easy.

I learned a little about blame, as well. If all you do is blame others for your shortcomings you will never get better/stronger/smarter. Full stop. Accept all responsibility, even if it wasn't your fault. There might have been something you could have done to change the outcome of an event.

School

I touched on this above, but I went from completely passive about school to very focused. Seeing the amount of effort other students put to their studies here is very inspiring, and seeing the lazy students getting fucked is somewhat cathartic. I hate laziness.

Work

I said I worked a shit job, and I knew from that point that if I didn't work hard I would end up just like my coworkers. It was the last thing I wanted. I would do anything to get out of my current position.

I care a lot about freedom. To me, money is freedom. You don't need a lot of it, but you definitely can't be stupid with it. I don't care about a large bank account, but being poor is the worst. Living in shitty environments, surrounded by terrible influences, eating terrible food, thrown into circumstances that could fuck you up for life. It's something I never want to experience ever again.