HUGE Insight — Please read

Well, the sleeping around occurred after he broke off our very brief "relationship," which was so short-lived and fraught with anxious wonder that I don't count him among my exes. I've heard him refer to me publicly as his ex, though.

Both he and I are extremely sexually traumatized--and not necessarily due to abuse. I have had very severe body dysphoria, despite being a reasonably/conventionally "attractive" person, since I was a teenager. It's like both of us were just born terrified and upset by sex. He's still a virgin as far as I know (last I checked in, sometime last year--he was 22). I am 25, now, and I still suffer. It doesn't matter whether I love the person I'm with or not, and in fact it's worse if I do, because the terror of humiliation is much stronger. I don't feel comfortable airing out more details in a public setting. But it is and has been severe.

I think both of us were born with A LOT of karma surrounding this, and both of us are just... malfunctioning. He has tried to heal himself by completely suppressing his sex drive and I have let mine get out of hand. I have been unfaithful to other partners and messed around with my twin's friends. On both ends, it's just extreme--him with the virginity at 23 and me looking for validation through sex.

I think twin flames are often saddled with such heavy karmic loads because they come to transmute the dirt of the present age into the gold of the next. There is no sacredness in most human sex acts, and it's a slight against life itself. So the twins are left to process this. There's nothing wrong with random sex, of course, but there IS something wrong when all the sacredness is gone from all sex.

It's the strangest thing, but I'm actually not that physically attracted to him. I've never even been able to imagine having sex with him that well. It's an impossibility in my mind because we've never even been able to be close to each other without fighting like wet cats. We just attack each other.

I would not be happier in an open relationship, no. This will never get any better unless I stop putting salt in the open wound.

Thanks for asking all the insightful questions. I'm so happy I've been able to pique interest and connect.

/r/twinflames Thread Parent