What I feel must be confusing to your husband after reading your post. It's that you are making too many points at once, saying too many things which are related but not the main issue. But then.. after some accusatory sentences he may not be even listening.. It is said men are not as verbal as women, although I hate to generalize, I have noticed on my own experience that men usually like to go to the point, straight to it . Any ornamentation, or things which would enhance the story will get you into many times a completely different argument. I would simplify my argument and stay on target. If rage, screaming usually not from me, enters the scene, the discussion is over. Simply cause at that moment people usually bring up, the most vicious hurtful comments to only regret them the day after. And we may forgive but sadly they leave a scar. A therapist can only help those who want to be helped and those who are ready to admit they have been wrong. They can mediate but sadly many times they cannot even do that. At least he is reading some books to help himself, I wish everyone would, all relationships are complex. Perhaps you are "too emotional" like he says, nothing wrong with that I am too, I feel deeply, and many times I feel like crying, but I have learned to be in control of my emotions. We all feel them we just express it differently. Women feel sad ,(and cry) men get angry,(and shout) most men don't even understand why we are crying, not anymore than we understand why they are shouting at us, we both feel hurt but we express that hurt differently. They feel bad about themselves cause they made you cry, at this point discussion is just about over,cause we (women) started crying but we haven't yet solved a thing. You have some communication issues, as a couple we all do. But what is the main issue, what is exactly do you want in this relationship, you think, you don't need to answer me, this is for you only. So let's say I am not happy about something or someone, the next question I need to ask myself is why, because this or that, the next thing should be, what can I do or my partner do to make it better. Husband may say but I don't want to do that because this or that, so the next question should be what you propose we do then. He doesn't want it go to therapy, cause he doesn't believe blah blah. Fine then, I would do as he wishes, you both then read the same books, will share the books, your views and what you have learned,and how you will apply that knowledge into your marriage. If that (his solution) doesn't work then he has to go to therapy with you.(Your solution) It sounds fair to me. Try not getting angry with the typical " I knew you..., or" you always"... or "you never" such and such. Cause then we 're enter a something which was some time ago, and we have stay on the present issue in order to solve it. We all have to learn to discuss fairly, no past, stay within the point, no calling names, no attacking, no shouting, crying. For each thing we say, we feel ,there is a reason why and that is what we must find out at first not only to understand each other but to find a solution which will please both partners. One last thing which is very important to validate people's feelings, many times someone does something which was not at all intended to hurt, but just cause it wasn't meant to hurt, we should feel hurt. Part of discussing fairly is not to put the blame on the other by saying, you don't love me because you always...or never .It should be something like, I don't feel loved, respected etc etc when you do, say etc etc. We all want to feel loved and accepted. And many times with so many complains towards our partners we make them feel the opposite. I hope you can work things out. It is always worth trying to save a marriage if there still love. Many times we are the problem. Best wishes to you.