Dress sizes aren't based on weight. That's not how they work. And being below a specific dress size is euphemistic anyway - an 8 at Abercrombie is not the same as an 8 at Target."
Right, I think most of us understand the concept of vanity sizing. I don't get why my weight and size comments are such a sticking point for you, but I'll attempt to clarify my original point. So, like many women, I tend to shop a few clothing lines that all fall at about the same price point and offer similar styles and cuts; "size 8" is consistent across my wardrobe, aside from a few non-conforming pieces. In order to squeeze into what I think of as "Size 8" by the standards of my clothing universe, I need to get down to ~140-145 pounds. At that point, my waist starts to become very defined. ~140-145 = size 8 is my specific sweet spot. Perhaps other women who carry their weight differently don't experience physical changes in distinct weight stages as I do.
"'I got laid quite a bit, yes, but these guys would not take me seriously as a romantic prospect.' That's not what you said. You said that men didn't notice you and you didn't get approached. I suppose you can still get laid without being noticed or approached, "
Some of that is stew of poorly-organized thoughts -- my mistake. When I say getting laid, I'm talking drunken last call style hookups, situations in which any woman would do. I don't consider being propositioned for no-strings-attached sex an expression of romantic interest, or positive attention. These guys I have slept with aren't "taking [me] out in public", and there's no pretense of these meetings being dates. It's not a matter of conversion; there's nothing there to convert. And when I mention being flirted with, I mean the sort of banter people might engage in with someone they're not attracted to, for validation or sport. As far as men being less likely to go out of their way to hold doors open for me, engage me as I go about my daily business, or chat me up in line for coffee when I am bigger, well, that's the unfortunate truth. There's a wealth of writing out there on the interwebs and in mainstream publications about women's feelings of invisibility in public as they age; it stands to reason that unattractive younger women might face something similar.
"the New England 28-32 PhD is also my demographic (not sure how 22 year olds snuck into your peer group, but okay)" Since I began dating, I have sought and dated men in that age range. I'm talking about the sum of my dating experiences, here, because my weight has swung from high to low and back again several times since college.
"I think you're being a little too harsh on men. There are men out there who will date you at 50 lbs overweight if you're smart, especially in Nerd Central, MA. It's just not as easy as showing up alone at a bar."
No doubt there EXIST such men, which is why I was careful to use qualifiers like "some" [men], "large swaths" [of men], etc. I have had boyfriends at my highest weight. There just aren't tons when you filter out the awkward, the old or young, the thrice-wed. Finding these guys was far more challenging at a high weight than I expected.
"If I want to hire a sassy gay PA, I go on LinkedIn, not OkCupid." I think you're taking a several of my answers a bit too literally; perhaps it's my fault for being careless in my writing. Anyway, my list wasn't meant to be remotely exhaustive; I was just listing a few non-physical qualities off the top of my head. Sure, most men aren't going to fall for a funny profile. And for the record, several people I know are absolutely attracted to spunky, witty, and/or funny people (and of course expected qualities like being a good nurterer, or feminine, which I listed).
"You're just not going to impress someone with the arcana of your academic research as described in a dating profile."
Right, this is generally good advice, but I feel you're making a lot of assumptions about how I present myself here. Where did I suggest I'm geeking out about research on my profile? I'm just saying that while attraction is obviously critical, many people (esp. guys, and those without much dating experience) focus chasing the absolute hottest/fittest partner they can, at the expense of things I think are more predictive of a quality relationship, like intellectual compatibility, career goals, politics, shared humor. I personally know a several of couples in which it's obvious one partner doesn't respect the other. It's just sad and painful to see.