(this is going to be long so bring Ur tea lol)
I have always thought that I am a tomboy,I wanted to be one. However I didn't want to become a masculine women or any of that. I wanted to be precieved some sort of as a man. in some days I feel my brain doesn't accept the fact I am a woman. I think my dysphoria started with my voice..I used to thicken my voice to appear more masculine ..one of my parents said why did I do that,It seemed much more aligned to me for some.reason they didn't like it.
Now you might say I am a trans man but no..here it comes.In some days I feel like dressing as a femme women and wanting to be precieved as such,now I can't imagine myself with more masculine body(male body) with femme clothes.In short I feel like wanting to have 2 gender in one
I remember thinking that male puberty is so much better and interesting that it made more sense to a body.But I think I brushed that idea and it thought it was weird.At that time I think I went through depression hence my brain is fogged about that memory lol
The thing is If I wasn't a minor and lived in a place with a gender therapist I would rush immediately there.Psycological health here is completely ignored,it's rare to find people who give you proper treatment let alone help you with your gender,this topic specifically is not discussed due to taboos
And regarding internalised misogyny:I have thought like that at the beginning, however I don't seem to have not want to be like other girls mentality,I have always admired women and seen them influencial regardless of their clothing even if they were gnc.however me feeling a certain discomfort when I imagine myself in the shoes in a GNC woman.I have admired woman femininity and them expressing it,My friends are women and seeing them dressing feminine feels nice! I love it when they are happy with themselves.So I don't think I hate the concept of traditionally expressing femininity in women.