You're either paranoid or OCDing. Your history is full of signs, this question here too is an obvious attempt at reassurance seeking.

People with high anxiety or OCD frequently ask for reassurance. This is negative behavior that should be stopped. The problem is that by seeking reassurance, you reinforce that you are unable to tolerate the discomfort of the uncertainty and you reinforce that you can fix this by asking. This will make your anxiety worse over time.

• Reassurance Seeking in OCD and Anxiety
• Distinguishing Information-Seeking and Reassurance Seeking (PDF)

A reassurance-seeker:

• Asks questions to feel less anxious
• Often asks people who are unqualified to answer the question
• Often asks questions that are unanswerable
• Seeks a desired answer
• Indefinitely pursues information without ever forming a conclusion or making a decision

In fact, I suspect you're both. You're a paranoid OCDer. Must be pretty hard being you. All that grinding that's going on in your head. Can't be easy.

I don't really care, but in case you aren't in therapy, you very likely need it. If you are already, that's fine, not much I have to add.

If you aren't and for some reason don't want to (like... Because you're paranoid as fuck), let me know and I'll give you self help resources that will hopefully help you get to a state where you can reach out for help.