How many opportunities I've missed with girls...

I got a roasting from from some mates for this last night. In the list they put together, I've:

• Not realised what my crush wanted when she was lying on top of me at a party. I lay dead still until she gave up and left.

• Been locked in a bedroom by and with my friend's sister. Got annoyed when she kept trying to stop me leaving, pushed her out of the way and went downstairs.

• Had a girl I was chatting to tell me she'd never kissed a guy before. In my defence I was hammered for this one, so I went off and found another guy at the party I kinda knew and set them up.

• Had a girl who was crushing on me invite me out to her friend's thing, where she spent the whole night sitting on me and going in for a kiss. I did actually see this one, I just chickened out.

• Listened to a girl's friend tell me the girl was crushing on me - I pretended not to understand until it stopped.

• Had multiple girls lean in and go in for "Hey I really like you, we should hang out some time" - I usually don't know what to do so I freak out and walk off.

• Ended up really good friends with a few people I later found out had a thing for me - including I think two guys.

• Run off and abandoned a few people I thought were coming on to me too strongly, despite the fact I actually wanted to get with them.

Even with the girls I've gotten with it's embarrassing. My first ever kiss only ever happened because the girl was lying on top of me, so a friend came up and told me to make out with her. Had another one where a girl's friend came up and told me she wanted to make out - so I just started talking to her about the future and shit until even I could tell I was losing her, and just asked her straight up if she wanted to make out.

I'm still single - and really fucking dumb.