I would have liked to have a higher sense of self esteem instilled by my parents when I was younger. There were some major ways in which my otherwise amazing parents really fell short in that area. I think if I had grown up with more confidence as a girl, I would have been more confident when I left home. I wouldn't have settled for the first man that showed me the smallest bit of attention, and be with him in a spiral of self doubt and self consciousness that affects all areas of my life, for the last 13 years. Only recently I've undergone some changes and have some newfound confidence. It feels amazing, and I feel angry that I haven't had this my whole life. I feel like I've been fooled and wasted precious time worrying about things that aren't important or aren't really there. I feel like my marriage is now inadequate. He doesn't show me attention, compliment me, do things for me, comfort me, barely touches me. This level of contact used to fill my meager "love cup" when I thought I didn't deserve more. Now it falls painfully short.

I've thought about this so much over the last few years and I always go back to the lack of confidence and self worth. I don't blame my parents, parents are just two of the many humans that will influence a child in their lifetime. But I do know that if I ever have children, building up their self confidence in their own unique talents and special quirks, will be one of my top priorities.