Oh god... THE PRESENT TENSE... ideal for time travelers to tell the past people how we live today. Someone who knows Old Mandarin should totally do this translation and then we need to have a recording from a master of guzheng, qin and/or erhu, and THEN it needs to be overlaid onto that scene in RED CLIFF where the Chinese traditional instruments are played in a moment of meditative peace by the honorable warrior Tony Leung Chiu-wai (Note: the Grandmaster, the hero of In the Mood for Love and Chungking Express but ALSO back in 1995 the star of Cyclo as the gangster who danced to "Creep" in the middle of all his evil deeds, thus saving that song from uncoolness and giving Radiohead their most memorable film moment ever) so it looks like Tony Leung is playing/singing The Present Tense in Old Mandarin, and THEN we need fake subtitles on the video (cause Thom sure as fuck does not understand Old Mandarin) about how we need LP9 like, immediately and if not, gangster mode or Yip Man mode Tony Leung is coming for you and making you play "Creep" endlessly for him to dance to... or else ("this 64 hands is like a weapon... unless you release... The Present Tense") and then we need to spread the (possibly false) information that a white person performed the Old Mandarin vocals in our video and we need to send that to Vulture, which will then create a think piece on our Highly problematic video where Old Chinese was appropriated by whites, drawing endless attention on Twitter, making the video viral, and FINALLY getting Thom's attention, and watching the video he will be horrified at Tony Leung's threats of violence and he may actually start to believe Tony Leung covered The Present Tense in Old Mandarin and will come for him with the 64 hands style (even though, I realize that was not Yip Man's style) and Thom will hurry up and release LP9 immediately.